Thursday, December 23, 2010

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas/ Everywhere you go/ There's a tree in the grand hotel/ One in the park as well/ The sturdy kind that doesn't mind the snow

Now that LB and I have this week and next off (I enjoy this part of my teaching schedule), the house is coming together for the holidays.  A good thing, too, since we hosted a caroling party this evening.  The tree is up, the windowsills are festooned with battery-operated candles (the pets too often try to leap at the real ones), and the stockings are hung over the heating grate.  It's really quite a nice space in which to pass the time, if only I had the chance to sit and enjoy it a little more.

This morning, we went downtown early to see Santa and have our picture taken.  I was set against going this year, until a coworker mentioned that her daughter's favorite Santa picture is the one taken the Christmas before she was born.  So, off we went, in a Bean-revealing shirt, to sit next to Santa in the window.  It was more fun than I expected, but has made today particularly long and exhausting.

Yesterday we met the last of the midwives (we thought we'd met them all, then in came this new lady!), and she was not worried about any of my questions, thought our birth plan looked great and very well thought-out, and had us schedule the next 4 appointments.  That means, we now have appointments through January 19th...which is after the Bean's due date!  This is getting quite close, now.

LB put the crib together today, and we moved the extra furniture out of the Bean's room, so now our second bedroom is starting to come together.  The crib looks HUGE compared to how I imagine the Bean, and I'm sure it won't look much smaller once she arrives.  I can totally understand why people put crib bumpers and blankets in there, just to make it look cozier around babies!

New projects await us, now: finishing curtains for the Bean's room, recovering the glider rocking chair we got from Freecycle, and finding a place for the Bean to sleep when she first comes home.  Three and half weeks until our due date - ack!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

A Grouch's Lullaby

A Grouch's Lullaby
From Sleepytime Bird

Sleep, sleep, sleep/ Go to sleep, my little creep/ Born to live in a big trash heap

I have to laugh when my "What to Expect" app tells me that sleep is going to become harder this week/month/trimester - somehow, I don't think it gets much worse than staring at the wall for 90 minutes in the middle of the night, despite getting up to use the bathroom, have a snack, read quietly, or drink some warm milk.  Of course, now that I've said that, my brain will find some new way to torture me tonight. 

It's become entertaining to watch The Bean move around - she's usually on my right side, and apparently head-down, because it's pretty easy to feel her back and butt move by as she flips around.  Earlier this week, I pulled out a maternity support band that a friend passed along -  it was huge and uncomfortable this summer, but now it feels like heaven.  I hadn't realized just how heavy my belly is getting until I take off the band after work, and immediately everything becomes more work. 

We bought our tree this weekend, and I am currently sitting with the smell of pine from behind me, and Christmas carols playing outside (yes, we have a light display that plays music.  We're THOSE neighbors).  Incidentally, at what point did "Amazing Grace" become a Christmas carol?  It always throws me when that one comes on.  As it just did.

The Bean's room is still not ready, but we are approaching readiness on the library, so hopefully we will be able to assemble the crib soon.  For some reason, having a place for this baby to sleep is the thing that I've latched onto as "see, we're not ready!" My coworkers keep reminding me that 6 weeks is not that long, and I keep thinking about how the time I have left is the same time I will have at home with The Bean when she arrives, and neither of these thoughts is helping me calm down.  This may have something to do with the craptastic sleep, come to think of it!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Monkey

Monkey
by Ellis

Monkey hanging off from the ceiling, the loft/ And monkey hanging down from the tree/ Monkey hanging everywhere a monkey can hang/ And monkey copy everything she see

Woah, 31 weeks already?  But, we were just into the 3rd trimester!  In the last few weeks, I guess the Bean has been making herself known, because more parents at school (and more kiddos) have been congratulating me in the hallway - I guess I no longer look like I went hog-wild at a cheesecake buffet!  Actually, the funniest reaction I've had so far wasn't even directly to me - I saw some former students at a Halloween party at school, and they went to another teacher to ask if I was pregnant (because it would be embarrassing to ask me themselves).  I'll have to tease them the next time they're visiting.

LB and I have been painting the "library" (a previously unfinished room off of the basement) in preparation for moving our old entertainment unit out of the Bean's room.  Once that's done, we'll be ready to assemble the crib (which we still need to varnish...), and the dresser and nightstand.  LB surprised me last weekend by coming home with the dresser and nightstand as a present for the Bean.  It will be so exciting to see it all set up for her!

Today was our next midwife appointment.  Because I don't have enough to worry about, the last few days I've been hoping that my latest cold wouldn't cause any problems - I know that congestion shouldn't be an issue (it's not as if the Bean is being kept up by my snoring and sniffling), but I keep worrying that it will cause some kind of spiraling effect of I'm-not-sure-what.  For me, as long as she's moving well I'm not worried, and she is moving CONSTANTLY :)  Luckily, the midwife wasn't worried about anything, and the Bean is measuring well.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Sugar Sugar

Sugar, Sugar
by The Archies


Sugar, ah honey honey/ You are my candy girl/ And you've got me wanting you/ Honey, ah sugar sugar/ You are my candy girl/ And you got me wanting you


And, we survived the 28-week appointment.  Going in without LB was harder than I expected - I was feeling nervous when I arrived, and wasn't helped any by the weigh-in (have I really gained that much? Can I blame it on the cool-weather clothes I'm wearing now?).  The first time the nurse took my blood pressure, it was too high (140 over...something), but she was very kind about it and said we'd take it again at the end of the appointment.  I was relieved about that, since I'd read stories online about women being pushed for way more testing based on one blood pressure reading, but that little relief didn't keep from feeling incredibly stressed about the upcoming glucose test, and the blood tests, and the second blood pressure.

Luckily, midwife number 5 was very calm, and I think she probably knew that I was nervous, because she spent a lot of time answering my questions and spoke in a very soothing voice the whole time.  She reassured me that the crappy sleep was normal (which is fine, but I'd still like to get a decent night's sleep), and said that the tight feelings I've been having are Braxton-Hicks contractions (those feel way different than I expected).  The best part of the appointment, though, was learning that there is a better medication I can take for heartburn - 12 tums a day was too many, so she sent me off to Costco to get an acid reducer that actually works! 

After the appointment, she took my blood pressure again, and it was much better (though still high for me), and off I went to the lab to wait for the 1-hour glucose blood draw.  It was pretty funny when Bean started kicking and flipping around while I was waiting - I guess the sugar got to her.

That afternoon, the midwife called to let me know that the glucose test came back normal (hooray!), and LB took me to get the acid reducer that was recommended.  That alone was worth the visit - the last three days have been SO much better without constant heartburn.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Carry You Around

Carry You Around
by Ani DiFranco 

And I know the fact of your presence/ Will dominate my memory of this restaurant this table/ This day and this town/ 'Cause I carry you, baby/ I carry you around

Well, the countdown has reached double digits (ack!), those shirts I was so sure were too long back in June are now too short (whoops!), and among my back, hips, and neck, something always aches (owwww...).  Must be third trimester time! 

The next visit with the midwives is this Thursday, and for the first time, LB won't be able to come along.  Since I have to do the 1-hour glucose tolerance, we couldn't make the appointment for after work like last month, so I'll be going alone on my morning off.  On the plus side, this means I will have an iron-clad reason to skip out on the superintendent's visit to our school.

I can't shake the worries planted by my mother's rant a few weeks ago; I keep nearly convincing myself that I'm not going to pass the glucose test, or that I have symptoms of preeclampsia, or that something else drastic and abysmal is coming down the pike.  LB keeps reminding me that I just need to ask these questions at the appointment on Thursday, and I am eternally grateful for her cool (and non-pregnancy addled) head. 

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Adelaide's Lament

Adelaide's Lament
from Guys and Dolls 

The female remaining single/ Just in the legal sense/ Shows a neurotic tendancy, see note:/ Chronic organic symptoms/ Toxic or hypertense/ Involving the eye, the ear, the nose, and throat.
In other words, just from worrying if the wedding is on or off/ A person can develop a cough.



It's one month into the school year, and so I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised to wake up on Wednesday with a sore throat and a lingering tiredness.  By Friday, I was posting for cold-relief suggestions on Facebook and consuming enough peppermint tea to keep Stash in business for another year.  I consulted various online sources (Dr. Google never fails, eh?), but was unable to make heads or tails of the conflicting information available through my fogged head.  I knew Dayquil (my go-to drug for colds when I'm teaching) was probably not approved for someone "in my condition" (my mother's latest favorite phrase, for some reason), so this morning, at LB's suggestion, I broke down and called the midwife hotline to find out if there was anything I could take.  Their approved suggestions? Tylenol (no more than 650 mg every 4 hours), a neti pot, and robitussin (the plain kind).  LB, my wonderful girl, is out getting me the robitussin while I down a few more gallons of tea.  

She's also buying a finish for the crib:

SNIGLAR Crib  Length: 53 7/8 " Width: 29 1/8 " Height: 33 1/8 " Bed width: 27 1/2 " Bed length: 52 "  Length: 137 cm Width: 74 cm Height: 84 cm Bed width: 70 cm Bed length: 132 cm
Yesterday, we decided to start buying the big items for the Bean, and headed to Ikea for a piece of furniture.  We knew which dresser we wanted, but weren't decided on the crib, or if we also wanted the changing table, so we looked at everything and compared in the store before deciding to head home with one of the two cribs we liked, a mattress, and some teething rails (the Bean will need teething rails!?!).  LB started assembling it while I made dinner last night, but discovered upon opening it that the crib in the store must have had some kind of finish put on it, because this crib was much less finished than the one we had seen (which had been our concern, but had been allayed by seeing both cribs in the store).  I was ready to return the crib and get the more-expensive-but-lacquered crib we also liked, but LB said she would varnish this one and then assemble it, so that's the plan.  


Its crazy to look in The Bean's room and see a crib and baby toys, and to open the closet and see baby clothes and equipment stacking up.  Also crazy?  Today we're at 26 weeks!  The picture in A Child is Born is labeled, "Past the line," as a baby born after this point has some chance of survival.  It's far too early for Bean to arrive, of course, but still, wow.

Monday, September 20, 2010

I Like to Move It

II Like to Move It
Reel 2 Reel

I like to move it, move it/ I like to move it, move it

Just in the last week, Bean has started moving like crazy, not only throughout the day, but much stronger than she had been.  She started moving enough that I could feel her three weeks ago, which seems long ago, somehow.  Then, this weekend, she started moving so that I could see the movements, and even my mom had a chance to feel her when we went to Sunday dinner this week.  Tonight, LB spent about 15 minutes, feeling Bean move the whole time - so cool!  A couple of times we both went, "woah!" when she gave a big kick.

Work started up right after our last midwife appointment, and while it's exhausting to be back at school with the kids, it's great to be back in the classroom after the summer.  So far, no questions from kiddos about my new-found love of baggy shirts, but I'm guessing that is just a little ways off.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Heatwave

Heatwave
by Martha and the Vandellas

It's like a heatwave/ Burnin' in my heart/ Can't keep from cryin'/ It's tearin' me apart

In the land-locked portions of the continent, temperatures of 90 degrees may be commonplace, even unremarkable.  In the coastal, temperate Seattle, however, such temperatures send us running for the hills (metaphorically, in this case).  In our little purple house, we have no air-conditioning, and only 2 fans, so the week of elevated temperatures hit us like a ton of bricks.  A super-heated, stifling ton of bricks.  After a few nights of poor sleep, we scrounged up a couple of window fans from LB's family, and set up camp in The Bean's future room, which stays slightly cooler.  LB, being the gracious lady she is, let me take the twin bed we have set up in there, and she slept on another mattress on the floor.  Our pug took advantage of the floor bed to snuggle up to LB all night, while the cat found shelter in the cool basement.  After two nights in this setup, it cooled down enough to move back into our bedroom with the window fan running, and we have now returned to the usual array of blankets and pillows. 

The downside of returning to our usual temperate clime is that back pain, not the heat, is now keeping me up at night.   Somewhere during our European adventure in July, I started having hip/back pain while walking.  I figured I was walking too much, or perhaps walking poorly, and didn't think too much of it.  Now, the pain has become nearly constant, and is interfering with rolling over at night, standing up, and picking things up from the floor.  The search for a way to end the back pain is on!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Pregnant Women are Smug

Pregnant Women are Smug
by Garfunkel & Oates

Pregnant women are smug/ Everyone knows it, nobody says it, because they're pregnant/ F-ing son of a gun/ You think you're so deep now, you give me the creeps now, now that you're pregnant

"So, do you want a boy or a girl?"
"Oh, doesn't matter, as long as it's healthy"
"Really?  'Cause I don't feel that those two things are related.  It's not like one or the other"

Wow, are we already into the second trimester?  And nearly 17 weeks?  Holy cow.  Tomorrow we'll be on the next big two-page spread in A Child Is Born - and The Bean is finally starting to look baby-like!
This week we had our 4-month checkup with the midwives, and got to meet another face from our midwife team.  We also got to meet the usual nurse when we came in, who was much friendlier and reassuring than at our last appointment.  Last month, the nurse who checked my vitals seemed disappointed that we had left the OB to come to the midwives, almost as if she was trying to convince us to go back (which was a little odd, considering she was working at the midwifery clinic).  This time, we were welcomed by a woman who can be remembered only as "hippie nurse," in a bright turquoise batik blouse and skirt.  She asked us how our travel had been, and chatted with us about various cruise lines as she took my blood pressure.  As LB and I waited to meet the next midwife, we agreed that this nurse made us much more comfortable than the last (we had been questioning our decision to change care providers after the last nurse).  Midwife #2 seemed like the quintessential Seattle midwife - kinda crunchy, laid-back, and informal in her demeanor.  Very appealing to LB and I, but it made me chuckle, especially as my latest baby-prep reading has been Deliver This!, in which one mother describes her view of natural birth as being for "hippie moms who live in Seattle."  So, we're referring to this midwife as "Granola."  Yeah, we're stereotyping, but with only our first impressions to go on, that's what you get.
Granola was very friendly, immediately introducing herself by her first name (I like this from health care professionals, perhaps it's because I'm a teacher?), and greeting me ("Hi, frankncents") as well as LB ("And you must be LB") by name.  She was very patient about all the questions I've been contemplating over the last month, from hip pain to itchy skin, and took notes on our questions while she listened, so she was sure to address all of them.  Finally, she pulled out the fetal Doppler so we could try and find the heartbeat.  After last month's inability to find any heartbeat, even after 2 different machines, I was pretty nervous, and had been worried periodically all last month, about whether we would hear a heartbeat this time.  First, Granola found my heartbeat, whooshing along a little faster than usual, and then, she moved the wand a little, and there was The Bean!  It was incredibly fast (156 beats per minute), and LB and I just looked at each other and grinned.

I'm trying very hard not to become one of the pregnant women described in the song above, but I find it privately hilarious every time someone asks about whether we want a boy or a girl (LB really wants a girl, I would prefer a boy), or what we're thinking of naming it (we haven't decided for sure, but we'll be keeping it under wraps until The Bean arrives), or any of the other bits from the song.  Funny, funny, funny.

Haven't heard the song yet?  See the video here

Friday, July 2, 2010

It's Alright

It's Alright
Indigo Girls

It's alright, 40 days of rain/ My skin stretched out from the growing pain/ It'd be nice to have an explanation/ But it's alright

Okay, perhaps we haven't had 40 days of rain here in Seattle, but it has been a mild summer so far.  Yesterday LB and I took Olive on an early morning walk in the drizzle, which she loved and we found pretty refreshing, too.  It's been nice to feel more like moving around recently, instead of wanting to spend all of my time sitting and sleeping.

I've started having "round ligament pain," which is shockingly similar to pain after abdominal surgery.  When I cough or try to stand up quickly, I get sharp pains just above my pubic bone, which then cause me to clutch very gracefully at my stomach, or just grimace as I try to appear nonchalant.  According to the midwife, though, that pain is showing up right on time.

We had our first appointment with the midwives yesterday.  The new clinic we're going with has 4.5 midwives (one works half-time), and we'll be rotating through all of them.  When The Bean arrives, one of the midwives will be on call, so the plan is that we'll meet and work with all of them, and hopefully like them all, or at least be willing to tolerate all of them at delivery.  (I'm starting to think delivery sounds too passive.  Someone must have come up with a better word for this process!)

So, midwife #1 was a very cheerful, upbeat woman.  She is also shorter than me (uncommon, since I'm only 5'1"), and she reminded me of a hobbit.  So, let's refer to her as "Hobbit."  Hobbit introduced us to the clinic, and reviewed the test results from our OB appointment last month.  She was great about having LB there, and didn't stumble over words like "partner" at all.  This is important to me.  Hobbit did the usual physical exam (and why is it that now, when my breasts are more sore than they have ever been, that they get poked and prodded every month?), and pulled out the doppler.  Before she turned it on, Hobbit warned us that sometimes the heartbeat can be hard to find, and she doesn't worry until 13 weeks, which we are not at yet.  So, on with the cold goop and she's looking for the heartbeat...crackle, crackle...oh, there's my heartbeat, sounds good...crackle, snap...Hmm.  Let's try the other doppler.  Sometimes one works better than the other.  More cold goop...pop, crackle...That's your heartbeat again...Well, I guess this baby's just hiding really well today!

LB points out that someone in this family has to be shy, and since it's neither of us, perhaps The Bean is trying to fill that role.  I had really been looking forward to hearing the heartbeat, especially since that's pretty much the only sign I'm getting these days that things are going well, but I guess we'll wait until next month.  Hobbit didn't seem concerned, and although she offered us the option of going in today for an ultrasound just to check it out, I can't justify that extra expense when LB isn't worried, too.  So, I'm looking online for other people who didn't hear at heartbeat on the doppler and the baby was fine.  Luckily, they're out there, so I'm starting to feel better.

LB and I were waiting until after this appointment to tell the rest of our friends about The Bean, so of course last night we made our big facebook announcements.  Taking a cue from Butch...and Pregnant, we went for the simultaneous status update, accompanied by the changing of the profile picture to one of our ultrasound shots.  So now, I guess it's official!  It's been fun to see the shocked responses roll in, from everyone who didn't know we were trying.  We also went and told a few non-facebook friends in person, so LB's mom doesn't have to keep the news a secret from her neighbors.

All in all, I suppose, it is alright, just as the song says. 

Saturday, June 19, 2010

I Need A Nap

I Need A Nap
"Weird Al" Yankovic and Kate Winslet 

I'm so tired of this day/ And I don't want to play/ And I don't want a story to read/ But I look in your eyes/ And at once realize/ Now I know what it is/ Yes, I know what it is/ Yes I know what it is that I need/ I need a nap!

I've been writing this entry in my head for three days now, but every time I think I have the time to sit down and type it, I realize I could use the same time to lay down in Bean's room and take a nap.  And so I do, and the blog goes unloved. 

If I could only set up a system by which my dreams automatically typed themselves into blogger, I could kill two birds with one stone.  Because, let me tell you, my dreams have outdone themselves in vivid detail and wacky story lines lately.  From wild adventures crossing skateboarding and baby buggies, to the dream where I had to fit an infinite number of students onto a very finite (and inadequate) number of risers for a performance, it's been nothing but grade-A entertainment every day and night around here.  My favorite, though, has to be the dream in which every female in my family showed up to our baby shower, all very pregnant, and my sister then gave birth and DIED in the middle of the proceedings.

Whoo-boy.  I think it's time for another lie-down.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

The Ballad of Gilligan's Isle

The Ballad of Gilligans' Isle
Five passengers set sail that day,/ For a three hour tour, a three hour tour./ The weather started getting rough,/ The tiny ship was tossed,/ If not for the courage of the fearless crew,/ The Minnow would be lost, the Minnow would be lost.

Because I'm a public school music teacher, my schedule only takes up 4 of the 5-day work week, and this year I have Thursdays off.  Typically, this means I have a host of errands to run on Thursdays, from planting and lawn mowing to delivering packages to the post office and taking the dog on a long, draining walk.  Today started off no different, with the added component of needing to input the accompaniment of 5 choir pieces into my computer for the concert on Monday.  Basically, it was going to be a busy, busy day "off".  The morning was basically as planned, granted, I got off to a slow start, but that's the way it goes around here these days.  After showering, Olive (pug) and I set off on our long walk around the hill.  Two hours later, with my stomach loudly protesting the lack of snacks on our adventure, we returned, and I warmed up some leftover dal and rice (which seem to be some of the only foods that consistently sound good to my stomach these days).  After lunch, i was exhausted, and decided to take a quick nap before mowing the lawn and inputting the songs. 

Three hours later...

LB walks in the door, home from work, and my first response is "Is it really that late?!?"

Yup, it was.  So, it looks like my weekend has scheduled itself, and I'll be heading to the post office tomorrow, and getting the accompaniments ready in between dinner with friends and an engagement party for a high-school chum.  Woo-hoo!

Monday, June 7, 2010

We're Having A Baby

Were having a baby, my baby and me/ You'll read it in Winchell's/ That we're adding a limb to our family tree/ We're pushing our carriage/ How proud I will be/ There's nothing like marriage/ Ask your mother and father and they'll agree

Big week/weekend in the purple house!  On Thursday, LB and I went to our first OB appointment, and got to see the Bean!


The Dr. was very nice and tried to
make the ultrasound wand as comfortable as possible, but I have to admit, I was distracted from looking at the heartbeat by the contortions of the wand.  Luckily, LB was there to ask the questions and grin wildly at the heartbeat.

Of course, with the ultrasound pictures in our hot little hands, we had to go share the news with family.  Telling LB's parents nearly didn't happen, as her mom was trying really hard to head out on a run with the neighbors!  I finally got her attention and told LB to tell her (LB's dad was in the room, too).  She didn't quite believe the news at first, but having the pictures definitely helped (good choice to wait until we had the u/s to tell the family).  The neighbor she was running with is also a former midwife, so she helped explain to us what we were looking at.  Off they went on a run, and off we went to see Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me! with my mom.

Before we left for dinner, we made sure to tell my mom that the Bean was coming, and she shrieked so loud, I thought my ears were going to burst!  (She's effusive, my mom)  Apparently, she had noticed that I wasn't drinking, but thought I might just be trying to lose weight (Which wouldn't be a bad idea, but it's off the table for now).  We also informed my sister that she was going to be an aunt, since she was at my mom's place.

But the excitement didn't stop there!  Friday, I left LB to go to Oregon for my grandmother's 85th birthday, along with my mom, sister, uncle, and cousins.  So, after that trip, my close-ish family all knew, and LB was left with the task of telling her side of the family.  That, apparently, is too much to ask my love to do on her own, because I came home to discover that no one else knew since I left on Friday.  So, this evening, we called LB's grandma and grampa to tell them (as she points out, that's not the kind of news you email to folks their age), and then sent out an all-family email to notify the relatives that the hand-knits will be needed.

I'm not built for this kind of excitement, and have been completely wiped out since Thursday, despite napping most days.  Luckily, telling folks means I now have an iron-clad excuse to bow out of obligations and take a nap anytime.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

You Are Not Alone

You Are Not Alone
from Into the Woods

You move just a finger/ Say the slightest word/ Something's bound to linger/ Be heard/ No one acts alone/ Careful/ No one is alone

So, I can't say why the songs of Broadway are calling to me right now, but I am pretty certain I can add another symptom to the list.  And while I can understand the nausea (stay away from foods that aren't good for Bean, or else), and I can explain the expanding bustline (that kid's gonna have to eat something in a few months...), I have no good reason for why I burst into tears while washing dishes this evening.  Okay, it may have been provoked by the song I was singing (doesn't everyone sing while washing dishes?), which led into this entry, but I usually sing sad songs while washing dishes, and don't usually get the waterworks!  At first, it was just a little sniffling on occasional lines, but now it has evolved into full-fledged sobbing while I searched for the lyrics online - and laughing at myself throughout, since I feel so foolish for crying to a song I've been singing for more than 10 years!

*sniffle, snort*

Today was the first visit to a Dr.'s office that was not my usual place.  The clinic to which we were referred wants all the pregnant ladies (I feel another song coming on) to come in for a class on what to eat, what meds are safe, and what activities to avoid.  Next week we have our first real visit with a Dr. there, and after that we'll decide if that's the clinic we want to stay with, or if we'd like to find another.  I'm not leaning toward this one at the moment, but LB likes that all of their deliveries take place in the hospital, with nurses and OBs right there.  The class was nothing I hadn't already heard, but I did get a few questions answered, and two free books out of the deal.  Oh, and a pamphlet on a study taking place in our area about how fetuses (feti?) develop, to provide a larger sample on which to base the expected measurements and growth charts - which would be cool, plus we might get more information and scans to see how the Bean grows :)

Okay, bedtime.  After all, I only got a 20-minute nap today (and that need, I think, is to provide Bean with all of my superpowers - the Bean is basically kryptonite that is attached)

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Bean Song

The Bean Song
a camp song

My dog Jelly likes to roam/ One day Jelly roamed from home/ He came back so squeaky clean!/ Where, oh where, has Jelly been?/ Jelly bean, Jelly bean, where, oh where, has Jelly bean?  (Underlined words can be replaced with any kind of bean: lima, string, pork-and, your choice!)

I pride myself on being good at keeping secrets, and have never been the kind of person to slip up with my own secrets (birthday presents?  great big changes at work?  I'll never tell.) or those of others (found a better job? trying for a baby? I'm like a vault.)  I love secrets like a six-year-old loves them, I love the challenge of keeping things to myself, and I love the thrill of knowing that there is a day in the future when I get to tell everything.
 
We have just scratched the surface of telling folks we know about the Bean, which makes it far harder than I expected to keep the secret from the rest of our friends and family.  Until we started telling people (which began with LB's cousin the day we got a BFP), it was easy.  Today, though, keeping this news from everyone has gotten harder and harder.  I don't know if it's because we finally have an appointment to find out more about the Bean, or if this is harder because it's about US, and not someone else, but I keep having to bite my tongue to avoid telling people!

LB and I would like to have an ultrasound picture before we tell people, so right now we're using that as our reason for waiting  Then, we'll probably just tell family, and wait until the 2nd trimester (all the way in July!) to let friends know.  For now, though, we wait.  And I try not to call attention to the fact that I'm not drinking, and hope that my ever-expanding cleavage doesn't cause my shirt to explode suddenly!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Don't Let Me Go

Don't Let Me Go
Shrek the Musical

You and me, we belong together/ Like butter and grits, like kibbles and bits/ Like yin and yang, sturm and drang/ Like Eng and Chang, attached at the hip/ But not an old lady hip that might break/  I'm gonna be on you like a fat kid on cake/ Like Cupid and Psyche, like pop rocks and Mikey/ We'll stick together like that velcro stuff/ I'm the fuzzy side, you'll be the spiky/ Ooh!  Like little kids in pajamas with those funny things at the bottom, y'know, feeties?/ Like doughnuts and...what goes with doughnuts?/ Doughnuts and...diabetes!


5w, 5d
  • all-day nausea?
    • check!
  • sore breasts so I can't run, go quickly down stairs, or sleep on my stomach?
    • check!
  • peeing before, after, and during all events and engagements?
    • check!
I'm not complaining, mind you, but I can tell this is starting to wear on LB.  Perhaps it was the way she lovingly rolled her eyes at me this morning, when I asked her to finishing making lunches because the peanut butter was making me queasy.  Or, maybe I noticed when she sighed quietly as I began describing how I avoided nausea during the all-day meeting today.  On the other hand, it may have been when she nearly cussed me out in Costco because nothing they had to offer for dinner was pregnant-lady-friendly and appealed to me.  Well, whenever I finally figured it out, I realized once again how absolutely fabulous this woman is to be taking care of me, and how long the ride we're on will be.  I should find a treat for her this weekend. 

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Material Girl

Material Girl
by Madonna

We are living in a material world/ And I am a material girl/ You know that we are living in a material world/ And I am a material girl

Adventures at the chain maternity store while shopping for bras that are more supportive and protective.


Friendly-But-Clueless-Saleslady: Is your husband excited?
Frankncents: Oh, I'm not married [smiles]
FBCS: Boyfriend?
Frankncents: No, this is my partner [indicates LB, standing next to me at the register]
FBCS: Oh!  So, did you do, like, in-vitro?
Frankncents: No, we didn't have to go to all that trouble... [still smiling, but, um, why is it any business of yours how I got pregnant? Is your usual follow-up to the husband question "and did you have sex in the bed or the kitchen?"]
FBCS: [confused] So, are you adopting?  Are you even pregnant?
Frankncents: Yes, I'm pregnant! [lady, why would I be buying maternity bras and looking at maternity clothes if I weren't planning to give birth at some point in the not-so-near future?]
FBCS: *crickets*

LB and I had a very hard time keeping our composure until we left the store!

So, following the litany of new pregnancy symptoms from the last post, what Rachel Pepper terms "Atomic Titties" have shown up, with a vengeance.  Adjusting the seat belt this afternoon elicited an "oh, fuck" as my hand grazed one breast (with a sweatshirt over it, may I add).  Now, I may not keep my language school-appropriate at all times, but I do not typically swear like a sailor at safety equipment.  This, though, takes me back to 4th grade, when my breasts started to develop.  I have a strong memory of preparing to say the pledge of allegiance one morning, placing my right hand over my heart, and pulling it away as if my shirt was on fire.  My-goodness-me, what on earth was going on in there?  This is like that, only now everything sticks out farther, so they get bumped more.

The Amazons probably chopped one off just to keep from giving away their position with agonized screaming when they set up a shot with the bow, y'know, hunting while pregnant and all that.

I've heard of people asking inappropriate quesitons, but...

...I think today may take the cake. 5 weeks, 0 days pregnant (and no, I still don't comprehend the whole idea of counting the time preconception, but I'll go with it). 1 day of shopping together. 1 maternity clothes store. 1 saleswoman. 1 stream of inappropriate questions. The shopping was pleasant: 2 hold'em in place bras, 1 cute t-shirt, coordinated tank-top/capri combo, and 1 $15 off coupon. And then the fun began.

Saleswoman - "So is your husband excited?"

- "I'm not married."

Saleswoman - "Your boyfriend?"

- "No. This is my partner." (Gestures at me.)

Saleswoman (smiling, but clearly taken by surprise) -"Oh! I'm sorry!" (fumble with things; embarrassed)

- "That's alright." (smiling)

Saleswoman - "So did you use in-vitro?" (Note: our only interaction with this woman prior to the ringing up of our purchase was her putting our items in a dressing room while we shopped; we are not family, friends, or even the most casual of acquaintances.)

- "No. Nothing that complicated or expensive."

Saleswoman - "Are you adopting then?"

- (Confused laughter and looking around at the maternity clothes) "Um, no."

Saleswoman - "Are you pregnant then?"

- "Yes." (Read: Why else would we be dropping $85 for some big-belly clothes?! True, Joey liked his Thanksgiving pants, but really now, use some common sense girl!)

We did manage to make it about 1/2 way out of the store before I said something to the effect of, "Just think of the blog post we'll write!" We may even have made it out the door before laughing too loudly. The joys of retail...Lionel, I don't think we're in Seattle anymore!

Friday, May 14, 2010

Coconut

 Coconut
Harry Nilsson

I say, Doctor, doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take,/ I say, Doctor, dooooctor, to relieve this belly ache?/ Put the lime in the coconut, drink them both together,/ Put the lime in the coconut, then you feel better,/ Put the lime in the coconut, drink them both up,/ Put the lime in the coconut, and call me in the morning

We had out first appointment yesterday - not with an OB, just with the physician's assistant.  She confirmed all the pee sticks (why is it that the Dr.'s pee test seems so much more official than the at-home ones?), answered all our questions, and helped figure out which vitamins I should keep taking, and which ones are just for LB.  I should mention that LB was a total rock star at the appointment, since she remembered all the questions I wanted to ask, and remembered the amounts of each vitamin I need to take. If only I could pay her back by being alert and entertaining beyond 9:30 pm!

Speaking of which...It amazes me how every day since that BFP brings more actual pregnancy symptoms.  Of course, I'm also still amazed that these are honest-to-goodness symptoms, not me trying to convince myself I'm pregnant!  We've met fatigue, a little nausea (nothing terrible yet...), and have made the very familiar acquaintance of constant, mild cramps.  I have to remind myself that there is a little parasite setting up camp, in there.  Today, I discovered that I cannot run even five steps without hugging my breasts, which makes me look a bit odd on bus duty!  Oh, and I have always been the type to cry at commercials, but this is a whole new experience.  I'm watching TV this evening, and every third scene has me in tears.  It's gonna be a long trip *sniffle, tear* 

Perhaps stream-of-consciousness blogging is another symptom?

Monday, May 10, 2010

Joy to the World

Joy to the World
Three Dog Night

Joy to the world/All the boys and girls/ Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea/ Joy to you and me

So, perhaps not the song I expected to be in my head this morning, but I can't think of anything else, because:

  Now, I need to go get ready for the day.  Somehow, I think that morning meeting with my supervisor is going to go much better now.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother's Day

Mother's Day
by Tom Chapin

Mother's Day! (I'll get the OJ)/ Mother's Day! (I'll fold the napkins)/ Our own Mommy's special day is here!

So, no "for sure" news to report yet...I did POAS this morning, and got a very faint line (which was slightly darker than yesterday's very faint line, and looks different to me than all the negative tests I have taken), so we are feeling hopeful in the purple house.  As LB reminds me, one of our good friends had to test for 4 days in a row before getting a line that was convincing.

I keep telling LB that all I want is to not get my period on Mother's Day.  Of course, that's in between all the times we're smiling at each other and talking about "the bean" ;-)  Fingers crossed!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Walkin' After Midnight

Walkin' After Midnight
Patsy Cline 

I go out walkin' after midnight/ Out in the moonlight/ Just like we used to do/ I'm always walkin' after midnight searchin' for you

Blargh.  It's been a crappy week, and it's only Tuesday.

Here's hoping it gets better tomorrow, when I take another HPT.  The last two have been negative (6 and 8 DPO), but I'm still hopeful.  I just need to believe that stress won't completely ruin our chances.  I've been doing so well at staying calm and not obsessing over this 2WW, and then work had to come along yesterday and spoil it all.

*sigh*  And LB isn't even letting me have a glass of wine.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

I'm Wishing

I'm Wishing
From Snow White

I'm wishing (I'm wishing)/ For the one I love/ To find me (to find me)/ Today (today)

Alright, we are officially in the 2WW again!  It is bizarre to me, even after months of charting, just how much cervical fluid changes over the course of a cycle.  I'll feel like I've got a handle on what it looks like at a certain point, and then it throws something new my way.  Case in point: "creamy" has always been, for me, a sort of creamy/clumpy mix, but this month?  I feel like a textbook example, no clumps at all.  Bizarre, as I said.  LB keeps asking when the "earliest" is that we could know...and I'm just trying not to think about it too much, so I don' tget worked up and stress myself out.

My students have their spring concert next week, and the district choir festival is the week after that.  It could be that we know by next weekend (which is Mother's Day, and would be just TOO perfect).  For now, though, I just need to stay relaxed about work and let the 2WW go by.  4 days down, 10 more to go.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

I Take My Chances

I Take My Chances
by Mary Chapin Carpenter

Now some people say that you shouldn't tempt fate, and for them I cannot disagree/ But I never learned nothing from playing it safe, I say fate should not tempt me/ I take my chances/ I don't mind working without a net/ I take my chances/ I take my chances every chance I get

Huh.  Apparently, the mobile blogging post I tried over the weekend didn't pan out.  I'll have to see if it shows up in the next few days, or just disappeared into the ether.  Here's the basic gist:

This weekend, LB and I had a choir retreat, which took us a few hours from a rendezvous with our donor, but since I was seeing possibly-fertile cervical fluid, I made sure to bring along a few OPKs, just so we'd know if we missed the chance this month, or if it was approaching as the weekend ended.  Saturday afternoon, we finally saw a second line!  Not quite as dark as the control line, but that was good, since we weren't coming back to town until Sunday.

_____________________________

This afternoon, since the second line was much darker (either as dark or darker than the control, depending on where you look), we contacted our donor and set up AHI #3.  A few hours (and some plow poses later), and I am crossing my fingers for a rising temperature and another 2WW!

We tried a new approach this time - instead of LB injecting the little swimmers into me, and then trying to trap them in place with the Instead cup, I put them into the cup first, and then put it in "pre-loaded."  It worked for a couple of friends, so we are hopeful.  The only complaint from LB with this method is that she doesn't want to be accused of not being involved this time.  Since she made a delicious dinner and cuddled with me afterward, I think she's safe from that.

Depending on how temps and the OPKs look tomorrow, I may see if our donor is available for another try after work tomorrow, just to increase our chances.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Doin' Fine

Doin' Fine
by Ellis


It's good to understand where you are standing/ And it's good to know where you been/ And it's good to work through the tough times/ And let the lessons start to creep in/ I know we're able to let go of more baggage/ Than we give ourselves credit for/ And the sunrise sayin' hello in the morning time/ Makes me believe that more and more

The last two days here in Seattle have been glorious examples of our lives in a temperate rain forest, or at least near one.  After the rain last week and some drizzle on Saturday, yesterday and today have been beautiful, sunny, warm, and just a little muggy.  We have huge bunches of lilacs on our table, at work, and wafting a wonderful scent through the entire house.  Times like these, I can't imagine a more wonderful place to live, especially in our new house, with the garden that is [almost] of our dreams :)

In the sunshine, we have been working on getting to know our garden.  The previous owners of the house were excellent gardeners, and amassed an amazing collection of plants, but we have been wanting to make the garden our own since we moved in last fall.  Finally, on Sunday, we started!  With a little help and encouragement from a friend of LB's family, we dug up the plants from a section of the garden, added a little compost, and put in some new veggies.

Here you see our new tomatoes, onions, basil, and the bok choy we relocated from the front yard.  Ignore the old, rusty wheelbarrow in the background, please.

Gardening has proven to be a very satisfying, comforting way to distract myself from the fact that I STILL HAVEN'T OVULATED.  Nor have any of the OPKs I've been peeing on showed any sign of impending ovulation.  Grrr.


LB pointed out that, the last time my cycle was thrown off by stress, the next cycle was also really weird and long.  I'm hoping that's all that is happening here, and at the same time, thinking about asking for an opinion from my Dr. if nothing happens soon.


I'm letting something in and I'm letting something go/ And I'm so thankful to be alive/ Right now time is passing slowly/ But I'm thoroughly enjoying this drive

Monday, April 12, 2010

New Beginning

New Beginning
by Tracy Chapman

We can break the cycle - We can break the chain
We can start all over - In the new beginning
We can learn, we can teach
We can share the myths the dream the prayer
The notion that we can do better



Well, here we go!  According to the TCOYF website, today is a good day to start using the OPKs I bought, so it's back to POAS time.  I haven't used these before, so it was a bit of a surprise to see the dye creeping up the test strip this evening!  Apparently, that's just how these work, since after a bit, the control line appeared.  Threw me for a bit of a loop, though, as the whole thing turned pink.


The past few days, LB and I have taken our pug, Olive, for long walks in the evening - she loves to walk, we need the exercise - it's a good deal for everyone.  Last night, we walked up by a nearby park that the city is fixing up, and noted that the path they are putting in is going to be very stroller-friendly!  (as LB pointed out, it's also going to be wheelchair-accessible, which may be more important to the designers, but I appreciate the wide, smooth path for other reasons). 


Change our lives and paths
Create a new world and

Start all over

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Please, Mr. Postman

Please, Mr. Postman
by the Marvelettes

Stop/ Oh, yes, wait a minute Mr. Postman/ Wait/ Wai-ai-ai-ait Mr. Postman/ Please Mr. Postman look and see/ If there's a letter in your bag for me/

We must be getting close to the next insemination, because today our OPKs and HPTs arrived!  I am new to the OPKs; having tracked BBT for months before we started trying, I feel like I have a good understanding of when ovulation is coming, but last month's bizarre delayed ovulation made me want more confirmation.  After all, we don't want to annoy the donor by asking for his little swimmers too often (especially if we don't need them!)  Luckily, they come with detailed instructions, so we should be good to go in a few days, as long as I can remember the instructions when I'm bleary-eyed in the morning.

LB has been spending this waiting time decorating more onesies and baby t-shirts, and while she will take suggestions from me regarding subjects for her designs, she wisely does not have me help with drawing them.  I am much better at creating mp3 mixes for babies, not so much the clothing.


Pear on front of onesie


These pictures are from some dish towels LB made for our new house - I think they work quite well for a little one :)









Orange on the back of the same onesie




My idea: kangaroo!  I love how LB can translate an actual animal into a stylized cartoon of the animal, and retain the features that tell you what it is.  I would love this kangaroo on lots of things - a shirt for me, a purse, wallpaper...I think it's that cute.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Song of the Soul

Song of the Soul
by Cris Williamson


Love of my life, I am crying/ I am not dying, I am dancing/ Dancing along in the madness/ There is no sadness, only the song of the soul/ And we'll sing this song/ Why don't you sing along?/ And we can sing for a long, long time/ 


The day went like this:
6:15 take temp, still down (damn.) POAS: BFN (damn.)
8:30 plant plastic eggs around the neighborhood for the little kids to find
10:00 go egg hunting with the under-4 crowd, have a great time at the reactions of the kids to EVERY egg they find.  "I found one!  I found another one!  And another one!  I found another one!" repeat for 20 minutes, all along the block
12:30 make sandwiches for baby shower, before leaving stop at the restroom, CD1 again (damn.)
2:00 baby shower is attended by both month-old twins, as well as their 9-month-old cousin.  (cute, but damn.)
4:00 leave baby shower, break into tears from stress of PMS, BFN, and being surrounded by adorable children who are NOT MINE all day long.  LB proposes shopping therapy.
5:00 shopping therapy works, we return home with infant t-shirts and burpcloths to decorate.

Six hours later, LB has created the worlds most adorable onesies, and I'm feeling better and have finished a swatch for my next knitting project.  This one will not be for a baby or an expectant mom, rather, it is a stash-culling project using yarn purchased years ago.   See, if we're going to be spending more money on OPKs, HPTs, and the like, I can't be spending our extra money on crafting supplies (onesies clearly don't count).  Cycle 2, here we come!

Friday, April 2, 2010

Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head

Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head
by B.J. Thomas

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head/ And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed/ Nothin' seems to fit/ Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'/

It's April in Seattle, so of course it's been raining all day.  Despite our plans to plant bulbs and mow the lawn (which could now completely hide the pug, were she tempted to lay down in the yard instead of sniffing everything in sight), I cooked and LB worked on National Boards all day.  At the end of the day, we have two pans of brownies, a basket of scones, couscous stew, and all the fixings for cucumber sandwiches put away.  After this, I'm making mayonnaise and calling it a night.

All of this cooking has done well to distract me from the fact that my temperature plunged today, and I've been waiting all day for my next cycle to start.  It hasn't started yet, which is more frustrating than ever before.  This time, it's not just about avoiding stains on my clothes, or getting a week of bleeding over with.  Now, I keep feeling like I'll be losing something when my period finally arrives.  Silly, I know - if it comes, I never had anything to lose - but every time I sit down with my thoughts today, I feel like I'm waiting for some tragedy. 

On a much happier note, LB mentioned today that as this baby adventure takes longer to achieve, she is getting more excited for us to get a baby.  Not that we started off with me wanting a baby and her running the other way, but I've been the more eager of the two of us for the last few years, and she's been more hesitant lately.  I'm so happy she's feeling less petrified!  (and I'm sure the fear will come flying back as soon as we are successful)

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Morning Train (Nine to Five)

Morning Train (Nine to Five)
by Sheena Easton

My baby takes the morning train/ He works from nine to five and then/ He takes another home again/ To find me waiting for him/

Second morning in a row that the song stuck in my head all day has started with the words "my baby"... I guess even my subconscious is wishing for a BFP!  Which makes it all the more ironic that I have ZERO willpower and P'dOAS this morning...and got a BFN.  At 8DPO, which is a surprise to no one, I'm sure.  It would be nice, though, if I at least got a break from baby-fever during my non-waking hours.

The song for today is also a creative choice from my brain since I don't work this week (being a teacher has it's perks, even if paid vacation and a house in the tropics isn't one of them).  Instead, LB and I made the rounds of Seattle's consignment stores, scoping out where to find cheap maternity and baby clothes when the time comes.  We found a few places that met our standards (organized, inexpensive, sketch-free), and are marking them down for future reference.  It was gloriously sunny today, and with all the riding in the car, I was back in laa-laa-land while LB tried to keep me awake.  When we got home, I took a nap before dinner, which is very unusual for me, but I suspect the ├╝ber-walk we did with Olive the pug this morning is more at fault than anything else.  (9,000 steps, anyone?)

Monday, March 29, 2010

My Baby's in Love With Eddie Vedder

My Baby's in Love with Eddie Vedder
by "Weird Al" Yankovic

Well, my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder/ She's got a thing for that Eddie Vedder/ Tell me, what can he do that I can't do better/ Now my baby's in love with/ I said I said I said my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder/ Head over heels for that Eddie Vedder/ I can't believe it, now she's knitting him a sweater/ 'Cause my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder/

LB, I should mention, is a fantastic knitter.  I knit, too, but not with the skill she does.  Lately, with so many friends expecting, LB has been a baby-sweater-knitting machine! (And a very cute machine, too)  Last night, we delivered a sweater dress to some friends whose daughter was just born on Thursday, and of course, got in some baby snuggling time while we were there!  She is ABSOLUTELY adorable - chubby cheeks and the cutest cross-eyed gaze...very hard not to walk off with her :)

This Saturday, we're attending the baby shower for our friend who had twins three weeks ago, and LB has two more sweaters to deliver.  I'll try to snap a picture before they are gifted away.   This week we're both on spring break, and enjoying being at home and having time to get things settled in our (still new) house.  After 4 years of one or the other of us finishing a Masters degree and never getting our joint spring break, it's nice to really get some couple time this year!

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Come, Sisters, Come

Come, Sisters, Come
camp song

Edge of the night, a campfire's light/ Come, sisters, come/ Magic of song, a place to belong/ Come, sisters, come/ Warmth of a fire, warmth of a friend/ Come, sisters, come/  

Last night, LB and I had dinner with some "couple friends" of ours (as in, friends who are a couple and, in the words of one of the women last night, "somewhat normal" :-P).  They are currently expecting their first child, and were thrilled to hear that we have finally started trying, too!

It's nice to have other people to talk with, who have done the same thing.  In fact, through the evening we discovered we're doing exactly the same thing, down to the method of insemination - good to know it's worked for some people!  All in all, they were full of supportive words and encouragement, which was nice to hear, and possibly even more excited than we are that we're in the 2WW. 

It's also CD 39, making this one of my longest cycles ever (topped only by my student teaching quarter), so every time I go to the restroom, I'm steeling myself for my period to arrive.  It's kinda crazy-making, and this is just our first try!  I'm enjoying reading the blogs of other women TTC or expecting, and that is providing a welcome distraction from analyzing my chart or predicting what my temperature might be in the morning. 

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Still I Rise

Still I Rise
as sung by the Seattle Men's Chorus

Yet still I rise/ Never to give up/ Never to give in against all odds/ Yet still I rise/ High above the clouds/ At times I feel alone/ But still I rise/

I have discovered that the chart gallery of TCOYF is an incredible time-suck.  I can spend hours perusing charts, looking for one or two that are just a little like mine (curious?), and then get all my hopes up based on one woman who, back in 2007, was pregnant despite having weird temperatures.  Result?  I P'dOAS this morning.  And afternoon, since the morning one was a dud.  So, of course, I had to go buy more HPTs, so I could get an accurate result.  Because if the possible ovulation 2 days ago turns out to be an actual O and results in a BFP, I'm going to want to know exactly when it all went down.  Ovulating 3 weeks after doctors expect you to doesn't result in happy due dates, I'm thinking.

Talk about counting chickens before they're hatched!

My hopes are up because my BBT rose yesterday, and is staying high today (still higher than previous temps in this cycle), and fingers are crossed.  As much as they can be while I play piano, that is.  Piano playing has turned out to be a great stress-reliever, as well as a good way to pass time on my day off.  Now that I've completed my errands for the day, I'd best give the dog a bath before her stink sinks into the sofa cushions.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

All I Have to Do is Dream

All I have to do is dream
by the Everly Brothers

I need you so, that I could die/ I love you so, and that is why/ Whenever I want you, all I have to do/ Is dream

I'm not much of one for dreaming, at least that I can remember.  I've been keeping a dream journal since I was in college, and I'm still on that same first notebook, about halfway through.  It is very unusual for me to remember a dream in the morning, and even more unusual for me to view the things that happen in the dream as real at the time.  Usually, I am aware that it's a dream even while it's happening.

Last night, I dreamed that this cycle worked, and I was pregnant!  And then, I was huge, and in labor, and totally confused.  I turned to another woman in the room (who turned out to be a friend from high school), and said "but this is way too soon, I just found out I'm pregnant!" and then LB burst in with "no, she's at about 38 weeks.  The time has just flown by.  She's ready."  And then the baby was coming!  Craziness.

When I told LB about the dream, her response was "[high school friend] is NOT going to be anywhere near the room when you're in labor!"  Of course, I'm not planning to give birth in a tropical pool below a waterfall, either, so it's probably not real prophetic.

In my terminal need to prepare for a baby that isn't even a spark in its mama's eye yet, I am knitting a maternity tank top for myself.  I finished the first armhole this evening, and hopefully can  complete the second arm hole and the neck edge soon.  I'll post pictures when it's done, and hopefully will get some use out of it soon :)

When I need you, in my arms/ When I want you, and all your charms/ Whenever I want you, all I have to do/ Is dream.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Do-re-mi

Do-re-mi
from The Sound of Music

Let's start at the very beginning/ A very good place to start/ When you read, you begin with "A, B, C"/ When you sing, you begin with "Do, Re, Mi"/ The first three notes just happen to be "Do, Re, Mi"/ Do re mi fa sol la ti - /

Wait.  I'll make it easier.

Large box of latex gloves...check
oral medication syringe...check
Instead soft cup...check
And, of course, the sterilized jar of microscopic tadpoles...check

And, for the protection of LB, a large towel and a supply of plastic zip-top bags for disposal of gloves, etc.  We don't want any of this to come in contact with her, no way.

Optional:
a DVD, all set up and ready to play
a firm pillow under the towel, for maximum prop-up-age

I meant to get a picture of the whole set up last night, but got distracted beforehand, and then it was too late (once everything's present and ready to go, we get started right away).  Next time, then.

This weekend LB's family brought over a piano, so now I'm able to get up in the morning and sing and play a little before work.  I'd forgotten how relaxing it is to really be able to sing - not just the singing I do at work all day with kids, but paying attention to my tone, and breathing, and really enjoying how I sound.  It's also been pleasantly surprising how much my piano playing has improved since college - apparently all that random practicing of whatever happens by has done some good!

Still no ovulation yet (if it's actually coming, which is a long shot), but BBT is staying low and pretty much around my usual pre-O temps, which I figure has to be a good sign.  And I'm trying to move beyond the stress of work today (shouldn't it be illegal to stress someone out when they're TTC?  I think so), so LB and I are watching a movie and spending quality time at home.  I challenged LB to describe me in one word, and got "sweet," (aww!) "loving" (of course!) and "headstrong" :-P   My words for her?  "smart," "brave," and "gentle."  And so she is.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Just Keep Swimming

Just Keep Swimming
from "Finding Nemo"

Just keep swimming/ Just keep swimming/ Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming/

And, they're off!  Or so we hope.  This evening, after an exciting time folding laundry (ooh!), washing dishes (ah!), and evaluating LB's video for National Boards (eee!), our donor came over with a jar (in a paper bag this time), and we set to work.  The second time was much faster and much less squicky than try number 1, so here's hoping that decreased stress works in our favor. 

And, it's now really late (as LB is pointing out by having her teeth brushed and her pajamas on), so my summary of just what method we're using will have to wait another day.

Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming/

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Knock Three Times

Knock Three Times
by Tony Orlando and Dawn

Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me!/ Woah-oh, twice on the pipe, if the answer is no/ 

So, perhaps I spoke too soon in my last entry.  I did make up the parsley tea and drank it for two days, and had been planning to brew up another pitcher today.  This morning, I woke up to photo-quality EWCM (don't worry, I'm not actually going to post a picture), which sent me flying for the fertility/charting book, and onto the internet for other opinions.   After much discussion, LB and I have decided that we will try again this cycle, if our donor is available.  This, I suppose, is when having a local, known donor is a benefit - if we were trying to suddenly acquire some little swimmers from a bank in another state, I don't think this sort of "gee, that seems awfully clear and stretchy...holy cow!" turn of events would work in our favor.

So, for the second time this cycle, I found myself sterilizing a jar and a syringe, and now I'm going to think calm, relaxing thoughts and try not to work myself up over this opportunity.  Who knows, perhaps my cycle is not trying to foil my plans at every opportunity.

Oh my sweetness, [* * *]  means you'll meet me in the hallway/ Oh-oh, twice on the pipe [x x] means you ain't gonna show.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

You've Got to Show

You've Got to Show
by the Indigo Girls


Why don't we both agree we're both afraid and too afraid to say
If I say count to three and move toward me, would you meet me half the way
There are a thousand things about me I want only you to know
But I can't do it alone, you've got to show


Last week I was feeling all positive about my cycle, counting the days after ovulation, and trying to figure out when a pregnancy test might be accurate...and then my temperatures started getting weird.  At first, I was willing to chalk it up to a fluke temperature here and there, and then I thought it might be my thermometer battery dying.  Now, I'm forced to admit that this was an anovulatory cycle, and we are definitely going to be trying again.

Sigh.

I did the whole POAS routine this morning, just to make sure I hadn't totally misread my chart, and got the BFN I expected.  So, I enjoyed a couple Guinness at St. Patrick's Day dinner, and now we wait for the next cycle.  I'm frustrated right now because when I have had anovulatory cycles in the past, they last up to 46 days(!), and I'm not in the mood to wait that long - I'm already at day 29.  I've tried parsley tea in the past to speed things up, and I may try that again tomorrow, just to see if I can move things along.  I hate standing still. 

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Shop Around

Shop Around
by Smokey Robinson 

My mama told me, you better shop around/ Oh yeah, you better shop around

 Today, LB and I went shopping for baby supplies for a friend - yet another friend - who just had a baby.  Twins, actually.  So we took the grand tour of Babies 'R Us, which is always translated in my head as "We are babies."  Eventually, we got out of there with a couple of pacifiers for the boys, but the whole ordeal is murderous when you're wishing for a baby and a reason to buy half the store for your own house.  LB and I have taken to wandering the baby section of Target, as well - just to scope out what we want to start stockpiling once this process works.

I'm getting stressed out by this whole waiting thing, and it's making me cranky.  What I wouldn't give for a time machine to fast forward these next seven days!

Friday, March 12, 2010

You Can't Always Get What You Want

You Can't Always Get What You Want
by Mick Jagger and Keith Richards 

No, you can't always get what you want/ You can't always get what you want/ You can't always get what you want/ And if you try sometime you find/ You get what you need

So, after a busy morning teaching Havah Nagila to 3rd grade, reviewing basic notation with 2nd grade, and beginning to set up the sound system for the afternoon's assembly, I suddenly got really dizzy and noticed my heart was racing.  Wisely, I sat down to help my heart get calm.  Unwisely, I got up shortly and went to set up more equipment.  By the time I got back to my water, ("this will help, I'm just dehydrated") I was so dizzy my legs collapsed under me as soon as I decided sitting down would be a good idea.


Really, though, it's astonishing how quickly the EMTs arrive when you can't catch your breath - and I'm grateful.  Luckily, none of the big stuff they looked for at the hospital was abnormal, so I'm back at home now, with strict orders to rest.  LB is taking this very seriously, and has set us up with some Big Love and knitting for the night.

At the hospital, one of the questions I have always dreaded is "Is there any possibility you could be pregnant?"  Mostly because it tends to be asked when I come in with a broken hand, sprained wrist, or burned arm, and because they never believe you the first time: 
 "Are you sure there's no way you could be pregnant?"
 My stock answer?  "If I am, you'll need to call the Vatican."

But this time, I finally got to admit that, yes, there is a possibility I could be pregnant (!) - and so they did a urine test.  At 6 DPO.  And...it's negative.  But LB insists on holding out hope.  And if it turns out that I am pregnant, I know have ample reason to sue the pants off of the hospital if the kiddo turns out to have radiation-related problems, seeing as they gave me a chest x-ray with no protection.

Have I mentioned yet how much I love LB?  She keeps me sane in this process, and is almost always the pragmatic one in our couple (as much as it kills me to admit it lately).  When I came back from the x-ray throwing a big pity party for myself (and why do they make the x-ray technician tell you the test was negative, hmm?), she was right on the ball with a reminder that the hospital tests are no more accurate than the HPTs at this point, and that there is no way anyone can tell if we're getting a baby yet.  Lovely girl.

Hold On

Hold On
by Carnie Wilson, Glen Ballard, and Chynna Phillips

Don't you know/ Don't you know things can change/ Things will go your way/ If you hold on for one more day/ Can you hold on for one more day/ Things will go your way/ Hold on for one more day

As LB wisely pointed out last night, even the most sensitive home pregnancy test can't reliably tell us anything for 5 more days.  So last night's trip to Target was for pricing, not purchasing, and there's no news yet.  BUT, my temperatures are back above the coverline after two mysterious days below, so hope springs eternal in the purple house.

None of my books mention this, but I have been belching like a 4th grade boy lately, and have been making a real effort to avoid the usual suspects.  If it's not a symptom, then I need to be getting a handle on this, or my students won't be able to focus for laughing at me!

Make up your mind/ Hold on/ Hold on/ Baby, hold on

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I am willing

Today's song is a new one to me, but when our choir sang it on Tuesday, it had to be my theme song for the week.

I am Willing
by Holly Near

I am open, and I am willing/For to be hopeless would seem so strange/It dishonors those who go before us/So lift me up to the light of change

I am keeping my hopes up, and trying to be open to the possibility that this, the first try, will give us the baby we want! So this has been my song since Tuesday, and it is lifting my spirits as I type.

I am starting this blog because I need a distraction from the two-week-wait, and because, let's face it, the world needs more 20-something dykes writing about the road to conception and pregnancy, right? Of course right. So, a little something about the two of us:

I am "Frankncents," 27, sharing a little purple house in Seattle with a fat tabby cat, a whiny pug, and "LB," the love of my life and a very patient partner in this new adventure. We have been together for 7+ years (8 coming up in June), and have been discussing starting a family for a few years, but wanted to wait until we had a house. Well, we bought the house last fall...so let's try for the baby! Me, I'm hoping the baby takes less time than the house hunting - we spent over 18 months looking for a house.

Today, I'm feeling lightheaded and a little dizzy, but trying to eat to keep that at bay. Also, spending far too much time over-analyzing "symptoms." Thank goodness for the pug, who now needs me to take her out.

May the children see more clearly/And may the elders be more wise/May the winds of change caress us/Even though they burn our eyes