Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Morning Train (Nine to Five)

Morning Train (Nine to Five)
by Sheena Easton

My baby takes the morning train/ He works from nine to five and then/ He takes another home again/ To find me waiting for him/

Second morning in a row that the song stuck in my head all day has started with the words "my baby"... I guess even my subconscious is wishing for a BFP!  Which makes it all the more ironic that I have ZERO willpower and P'dOAS this morning...and got a BFN.  At 8DPO, which is a surprise to no one, I'm sure.  It would be nice, though, if I at least got a break from baby-fever during my non-waking hours.

The song for today is also a creative choice from my brain since I don't work this week (being a teacher has it's perks, even if paid vacation and a house in the tropics isn't one of them).  Instead, LB and I made the rounds of Seattle's consignment stores, scoping out where to find cheap maternity and baby clothes when the time comes.  We found a few places that met our standards (organized, inexpensive, sketch-free), and are marking them down for future reference.  It was gloriously sunny today, and with all the riding in the car, I was back in laa-laa-land while LB tried to keep me awake.  When we got home, I took a nap before dinner, which is very unusual for me, but I suspect the ├╝ber-walk we did with Olive the pug this morning is more at fault than anything else.  (9,000 steps, anyone?)

Monday, March 29, 2010

My Baby's in Love With Eddie Vedder

My Baby's in Love with Eddie Vedder
by "Weird Al" Yankovic

Well, my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder/ She's got a thing for that Eddie Vedder/ Tell me, what can he do that I can't do better/ Now my baby's in love with/ I said I said I said my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder/ Head over heels for that Eddie Vedder/ I can't believe it, now she's knitting him a sweater/ 'Cause my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder/

LB, I should mention, is a fantastic knitter.  I knit, too, but not with the skill she does.  Lately, with so many friends expecting, LB has been a baby-sweater-knitting machine! (And a very cute machine, too)  Last night, we delivered a sweater dress to some friends whose daughter was just born on Thursday, and of course, got in some baby snuggling time while we were there!  She is ABSOLUTELY adorable - chubby cheeks and the cutest cross-eyed gaze...very hard not to walk off with her :)

This Saturday, we're attending the baby shower for our friend who had twins three weeks ago, and LB has two more sweaters to deliver.  I'll try to snap a picture before they are gifted away.   This week we're both on spring break, and enjoying being at home and having time to get things settled in our (still new) house.  After 4 years of one or the other of us finishing a Masters degree and never getting our joint spring break, it's nice to really get some couple time this year!

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Come, Sisters, Come

Come, Sisters, Come
camp song

Edge of the night, a campfire's light/ Come, sisters, come/ Magic of song, a place to belong/ Come, sisters, come/ Warmth of a fire, warmth of a friend/ Come, sisters, come/  

Last night, LB and I had dinner with some "couple friends" of ours (as in, friends who are a couple and, in the words of one of the women last night, "somewhat normal" :-P).  They are currently expecting their first child, and were thrilled to hear that we have finally started trying, too!

It's nice to have other people to talk with, who have done the same thing.  In fact, through the evening we discovered we're doing exactly the same thing, down to the method of insemination - good to know it's worked for some people!  All in all, they were full of supportive words and encouragement, which was nice to hear, and possibly even more excited than we are that we're in the 2WW. 

It's also CD 39, making this one of my longest cycles ever (topped only by my student teaching quarter), so every time I go to the restroom, I'm steeling myself for my period to arrive.  It's kinda crazy-making, and this is just our first try!  I'm enjoying reading the blogs of other women TTC or expecting, and that is providing a welcome distraction from analyzing my chart or predicting what my temperature might be in the morning. 

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Still I Rise

Still I Rise
as sung by the Seattle Men's Chorus

Yet still I rise/ Never to give up/ Never to give in against all odds/ Yet still I rise/ High above the clouds/ At times I feel alone/ But still I rise/

I have discovered that the chart gallery of TCOYF is an incredible time-suck.  I can spend hours perusing charts, looking for one or two that are just a little like mine (curious?), and then get all my hopes up based on one woman who, back in 2007, was pregnant despite having weird temperatures.  Result?  I P'dOAS this morning.  And afternoon, since the morning one was a dud.  So, of course, I had to go buy more HPTs, so I could get an accurate result.  Because if the possible ovulation 2 days ago turns out to be an actual O and results in a BFP, I'm going to want to know exactly when it all went down.  Ovulating 3 weeks after doctors expect you to doesn't result in happy due dates, I'm thinking.

Talk about counting chickens before they're hatched!

My hopes are up because my BBT rose yesterday, and is staying high today (still higher than previous temps in this cycle), and fingers are crossed.  As much as they can be while I play piano, that is.  Piano playing has turned out to be a great stress-reliever, as well as a good way to pass time on my day off.  Now that I've completed my errands for the day, I'd best give the dog a bath before her stink sinks into the sofa cushions.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

All I Have to Do is Dream

All I have to do is dream
by the Everly Brothers

I need you so, that I could die/ I love you so, and that is why/ Whenever I want you, all I have to do/ Is dream

I'm not much of one for dreaming, at least that I can remember.  I've been keeping a dream journal since I was in college, and I'm still on that same first notebook, about halfway through.  It is very unusual for me to remember a dream in the morning, and even more unusual for me to view the things that happen in the dream as real at the time.  Usually, I am aware that it's a dream even while it's happening.

Last night, I dreamed that this cycle worked, and I was pregnant!  And then, I was huge, and in labor, and totally confused.  I turned to another woman in the room (who turned out to be a friend from high school), and said "but this is way too soon, I just found out I'm pregnant!" and then LB burst in with "no, she's at about 38 weeks.  The time has just flown by.  She's ready."  And then the baby was coming!  Craziness.

When I told LB about the dream, her response was "[high school friend] is NOT going to be anywhere near the room when you're in labor!"  Of course, I'm not planning to give birth in a tropical pool below a waterfall, either, so it's probably not real prophetic.

In my terminal need to prepare for a baby that isn't even a spark in its mama's eye yet, I am knitting a maternity tank top for myself.  I finished the first armhole this evening, and hopefully can  complete the second arm hole and the neck edge soon.  I'll post pictures when it's done, and hopefully will get some use out of it soon :)

When I need you, in my arms/ When I want you, and all your charms/ Whenever I want you, all I have to do/ Is dream.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Do-re-mi

Do-re-mi
from The Sound of Music

Let's start at the very beginning/ A very good place to start/ When you read, you begin with "A, B, C"/ When you sing, you begin with "Do, Re, Mi"/ The first three notes just happen to be "Do, Re, Mi"/ Do re mi fa sol la ti - /

Wait.  I'll make it easier.

Large box of latex gloves...check
oral medication syringe...check
Instead soft cup...check
And, of course, the sterilized jar of microscopic tadpoles...check

And, for the protection of LB, a large towel and a supply of plastic zip-top bags for disposal of gloves, etc.  We don't want any of this to come in contact with her, no way.

Optional:
a DVD, all set up and ready to play
a firm pillow under the towel, for maximum prop-up-age

I meant to get a picture of the whole set up last night, but got distracted beforehand, and then it was too late (once everything's present and ready to go, we get started right away).  Next time, then.

This weekend LB's family brought over a piano, so now I'm able to get up in the morning and sing and play a little before work.  I'd forgotten how relaxing it is to really be able to sing - not just the singing I do at work all day with kids, but paying attention to my tone, and breathing, and really enjoying how I sound.  It's also been pleasantly surprising how much my piano playing has improved since college - apparently all that random practicing of whatever happens by has done some good!

Still no ovulation yet (if it's actually coming, which is a long shot), but BBT is staying low and pretty much around my usual pre-O temps, which I figure has to be a good sign.  And I'm trying to move beyond the stress of work today (shouldn't it be illegal to stress someone out when they're TTC?  I think so), so LB and I are watching a movie and spending quality time at home.  I challenged LB to describe me in one word, and got "sweet," (aww!) "loving" (of course!) and "headstrong" :-P   My words for her?  "smart," "brave," and "gentle."  And so she is.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Just Keep Swimming

Just Keep Swimming
from "Finding Nemo"

Just keep swimming/ Just keep swimming/ Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming/

And, they're off!  Or so we hope.  This evening, after an exciting time folding laundry (ooh!), washing dishes (ah!), and evaluating LB's video for National Boards (eee!), our donor came over with a jar (in a paper bag this time), and we set to work.  The second time was much faster and much less squicky than try number 1, so here's hoping that decreased stress works in our favor. 

And, it's now really late (as LB is pointing out by having her teeth brushed and her pajamas on), so my summary of just what method we're using will have to wait another day.

Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming/

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Knock Three Times

Knock Three Times
by Tony Orlando and Dawn

Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me!/ Woah-oh, twice on the pipe, if the answer is no/ 

So, perhaps I spoke too soon in my last entry.  I did make up the parsley tea and drank it for two days, and had been planning to brew up another pitcher today.  This morning, I woke up to photo-quality EWCM (don't worry, I'm not actually going to post a picture), which sent me flying for the fertility/charting book, and onto the internet for other opinions.   After much discussion, LB and I have decided that we will try again this cycle, if our donor is available.  This, I suppose, is when having a local, known donor is a benefit - if we were trying to suddenly acquire some little swimmers from a bank in another state, I don't think this sort of "gee, that seems awfully clear and stretchy...holy cow!" turn of events would work in our favor.

So, for the second time this cycle, I found myself sterilizing a jar and a syringe, and now I'm going to think calm, relaxing thoughts and try not to work myself up over this opportunity.  Who knows, perhaps my cycle is not trying to foil my plans at every opportunity.

Oh my sweetness, [* * *]  means you'll meet me in the hallway/ Oh-oh, twice on the pipe [x x] means you ain't gonna show.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

You've Got to Show

You've Got to Show
by the Indigo Girls


Why don't we both agree we're both afraid and too afraid to say
If I say count to three and move toward me, would you meet me half the way
There are a thousand things about me I want only you to know
But I can't do it alone, you've got to show


Last week I was feeling all positive about my cycle, counting the days after ovulation, and trying to figure out when a pregnancy test might be accurate...and then my temperatures started getting weird.  At first, I was willing to chalk it up to a fluke temperature here and there, and then I thought it might be my thermometer battery dying.  Now, I'm forced to admit that this was an anovulatory cycle, and we are definitely going to be trying again.

Sigh.

I did the whole POAS routine this morning, just to make sure I hadn't totally misread my chart, and got the BFN I expected.  So, I enjoyed a couple Guinness at St. Patrick's Day dinner, and now we wait for the next cycle.  I'm frustrated right now because when I have had anovulatory cycles in the past, they last up to 46 days(!), and I'm not in the mood to wait that long - I'm already at day 29.  I've tried parsley tea in the past to speed things up, and I may try that again tomorrow, just to see if I can move things along.  I hate standing still. 

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Shop Around

Shop Around
by Smokey Robinson 

My mama told me, you better shop around/ Oh yeah, you better shop around

 Today, LB and I went shopping for baby supplies for a friend - yet another friend - who just had a baby.  Twins, actually.  So we took the grand tour of Babies 'R Us, which is always translated in my head as "We are babies."  Eventually, we got out of there with a couple of pacifiers for the boys, but the whole ordeal is murderous when you're wishing for a baby and a reason to buy half the store for your own house.  LB and I have taken to wandering the baby section of Target, as well - just to scope out what we want to start stockpiling once this process works.

I'm getting stressed out by this whole waiting thing, and it's making me cranky.  What I wouldn't give for a time machine to fast forward these next seven days!

Friday, March 12, 2010

You Can't Always Get What You Want

You Can't Always Get What You Want
by Mick Jagger and Keith Richards 

No, you can't always get what you want/ You can't always get what you want/ You can't always get what you want/ And if you try sometime you find/ You get what you need

So, after a busy morning teaching Havah Nagila to 3rd grade, reviewing basic notation with 2nd grade, and beginning to set up the sound system for the afternoon's assembly, I suddenly got really dizzy and noticed my heart was racing.  Wisely, I sat down to help my heart get calm.  Unwisely, I got up shortly and went to set up more equipment.  By the time I got back to my water, ("this will help, I'm just dehydrated") I was so dizzy my legs collapsed under me as soon as I decided sitting down would be a good idea.


Really, though, it's astonishing how quickly the EMTs arrive when you can't catch your breath - and I'm grateful.  Luckily, none of the big stuff they looked for at the hospital was abnormal, so I'm back at home now, with strict orders to rest.  LB is taking this very seriously, and has set us up with some Big Love and knitting for the night.

At the hospital, one of the questions I have always dreaded is "Is there any possibility you could be pregnant?"  Mostly because it tends to be asked when I come in with a broken hand, sprained wrist, or burned arm, and because they never believe you the first time: 
 "Are you sure there's no way you could be pregnant?"
 My stock answer?  "If I am, you'll need to call the Vatican."

But this time, I finally got to admit that, yes, there is a possibility I could be pregnant (!) - and so they did a urine test.  At 6 DPO.  And...it's negative.  But LB insists on holding out hope.  And if it turns out that I am pregnant, I know have ample reason to sue the pants off of the hospital if the kiddo turns out to have radiation-related problems, seeing as they gave me a chest x-ray with no protection.

Have I mentioned yet how much I love LB?  She keeps me sane in this process, and is almost always the pragmatic one in our couple (as much as it kills me to admit it lately).  When I came back from the x-ray throwing a big pity party for myself (and why do they make the x-ray technician tell you the test was negative, hmm?), she was right on the ball with a reminder that the hospital tests are no more accurate than the HPTs at this point, and that there is no way anyone can tell if we're getting a baby yet.  Lovely girl.

Hold On

Hold On
by Carnie Wilson, Glen Ballard, and Chynna Phillips

Don't you know/ Don't you know things can change/ Things will go your way/ If you hold on for one more day/ Can you hold on for one more day/ Things will go your way/ Hold on for one more day

As LB wisely pointed out last night, even the most sensitive home pregnancy test can't reliably tell us anything for 5 more days.  So last night's trip to Target was for pricing, not purchasing, and there's no news yet.  BUT, my temperatures are back above the coverline after two mysterious days below, so hope springs eternal in the purple house.

None of my books mention this, but I have been belching like a 4th grade boy lately, and have been making a real effort to avoid the usual suspects.  If it's not a symptom, then I need to be getting a handle on this, or my students won't be able to focus for laughing at me!

Make up your mind/ Hold on/ Hold on/ Baby, hold on

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I am willing

Today's song is a new one to me, but when our choir sang it on Tuesday, it had to be my theme song for the week.

I am Willing
by Holly Near

I am open, and I am willing/For to be hopeless would seem so strange/It dishonors those who go before us/So lift me up to the light of change

I am keeping my hopes up, and trying to be open to the possibility that this, the first try, will give us the baby we want! So this has been my song since Tuesday, and it is lifting my spirits as I type.

I am starting this blog because I need a distraction from the two-week-wait, and because, let's face it, the world needs more 20-something dykes writing about the road to conception and pregnancy, right? Of course right. So, a little something about the two of us:

I am "Frankncents," 27, sharing a little purple house in Seattle with a fat tabby cat, a whiny pug, and "LB," the love of my life and a very patient partner in this new adventure. We have been together for 7+ years (8 coming up in June), and have been discussing starting a family for a few years, but wanted to wait until we had a house. Well, we bought the house last fall...so let's try for the baby! Me, I'm hoping the baby takes less time than the house hunting - we spent over 18 months looking for a house.

Today, I'm feeling lightheaded and a little dizzy, but trying to eat to keep that at bay. Also, spending far too much time over-analyzing "symptoms." Thank goodness for the pug, who now needs me to take her out.

May the children see more clearly/And may the elders be more wise/May the winds of change caress us/Even though they burn our eyes