Mother's Day

Mother's Day
by Tom Chapin

Mother's Day! (I'll get the OJ)/ Mother's Day! (I'll fold the napkins)/ Our own Mommy's special day is here!

So, no "for sure" news to report yet...I did POAS this morning, and got a very faint line (which was slightly darker than yesterday's very faint line, and looks different to me than all the negative tests I have taken), so we are feeling hopeful in the purple house.  As LB reminds me, one of our good friends had to test for 4 days in a row before getting a line that was convincing.

I keep telling LB that all I want is to not get my period on Mother's Day.  Of course, that's in between all the times we're smiling at each other and talking about "the bean" ;-)  Fingers crossed!

Walkin' After Midnight

Walkin' After Midnight
Patsy Cline 

I go out walkin' after midnight/ Out in the moonlight/ Just like we used to do/ I'm always walkin' after midnight searchin' for you

Blargh.  It's been a crappy week, and it's only Tuesday.

Here's hoping it gets better tomorrow, when I take another HPT.  The last two have been negative (6 and 8 DPO), but I'm still hopeful.  I just need to believe that stress won't completely ruin our chances.  I've been doing so well at staying calm and not obsessing over this 2WW, and then work had to come along yesterday and spoil it all.

*sigh*  And LB isn't even letting me have a glass of wine.

I'm Wishing

I'm Wishing
From Snow White

I'm wishing (I'm wishing)/ For the one I love/ To find me (to find me)/ Today (today)

Alright, we are officially in the 2WW again!  It is bizarre to me, even after months of charting, just how much cervical fluid changes over the course of a cycle.  I'll feel like I've got a handle on what it looks like at a certain point, and then it throws something new my way.  Case in point: "creamy" has always been, for me, a sort of creamy/clumpy mix, but this month?  I feel like a textbook example, no clumps at all.  Bizarre, as I said.  LB keeps asking when the "earliest" is that we could know...and I'm just trying not to think about it too much, so I don' tget worked up and stress myself out.

My students have their spring concert next week, and the district choir festival is the week after that.  It could be that we know by next weekend (which is Mother's Day, and would be just TOO perfect).  For now, though, I just need to stay relaxed about work and let the 2WW go by.  4 days down, 10 more to go.

Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head

Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head
by B.J. Thomas

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head/ And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed/ Nothin' seems to fit/ Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'/

It's April in Seattle, so of course it's been raining all day.  Despite our plans to plant bulbs and mow the lawn (which could now completely hide the pug, were she tempted to lay down in the yard instead of sniffing everything in sight), I cooked and LB worked on National Boards all day.  At the end of the day, we have two pans of brownies, a basket of scones, couscous stew, and all the fixings for cucumber sandwiches put away.  After this, I'm making mayonnaise and calling it a night.

All of this cooking has done well to distract me from the fact that my temperature plunged today, and I've been waiting all day for my next cycle to start.  It hasn't started yet, which is more frustrating than ever before.  This time, it's not just about avoiding stains on my clothes, or getting a week of bleeding over with.  Now, I keep feeling like I'll be losing something when my period finally arrives.  Silly, I know - if it comes, I never had anything to lose - but every time I sit down with my thoughts today, I feel like I'm waiting for some tragedy. 

On a much happier note, LB mentioned today that as this baby adventure takes longer to achieve, she is getting more excited for us to get a baby.  Not that we started off with me wanting a baby and her running the other way, but I've been the more eager of the two of us for the last few years, and she's been more hesitant lately.  I'm so happy she's feeling less petrified!  (and I'm sure the fear will come flying back as soon as we are successful)

Morning Train (Nine to Five)

Morning Train (Nine to Five)
by Sheena Easton

My baby takes the morning train/ He works from nine to five and then/ He takes another home again/ To find me waiting for him/

Second morning in a row that the song stuck in my head all day has started with the words "my baby"... I guess even my subconscious is wishing for a BFP!  Which makes it all the more ironic that I have ZERO willpower and P'dOAS this morning...and got a BFN.  At 8DPO, which is a surprise to no one, I'm sure.  It would be nice, though, if I at least got a break from baby-fever during my non-waking hours.

The song for today is also a creative choice from my brain since I don't work this week (being a teacher has it's perks, even if paid vacation and a house in the tropics isn't one of them).  Instead, LB and I made the rounds of Seattle's consignment stores, scoping out where to find cheap maternity and baby clothes when the time comes.  We found a few places that met our standards (organized, inexpensive, sketch-free), and are marking them down for future reference.  It was gloriously sunny today, and with all the riding in the car, I was back in laa-laa-land while LB tried to keep me awake.  When we got home, I took a nap before dinner, which is very unusual for me, but I suspect the über-walk we did with Olive the pug this morning is more at fault than anything else.  (9,000 steps, anyone?)

My Baby's in Love With Eddie Vedder

My Baby's in Love with Eddie Vedder
by "Weird Al" Yankovic

Well, my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder/ She's got a thing for that Eddie Vedder/ Tell me, what can he do that I can't do better/ Now my baby's in love with/ I said I said I said my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder/ Head over heels for that Eddie Vedder/ I can't believe it, now she's knitting him a sweater/ 'Cause my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder/

LB, I should mention, is a fantastic knitter.  I knit, too, but not with the skill she does.  Lately, with so many friends expecting, LB has been a baby-sweater-knitting machine! (And a very cute machine, too)  Last night, we delivered a sweater dress to some friends whose daughter was just born on Thursday, and of course, got in some baby snuggling time while we were there!  She is ABSOLUTELY adorable - chubby cheeks and the cutest cross-eyed gaze...very hard not to walk off with her :)

This Saturday, we're attending the baby shower for our friend who had twins three weeks ago, and LB has two more sweaters to deliver.  I'll try to snap a picture before they are gifted away.   This week we're both on spring break, and enjoying being at home and having time to get things settled in our (still new) house.  After 4 years of one or the other of us finishing a Masters degree and never getting our joint spring break, it's nice to really get some couple time this year!

Come, Sisters, Come

Come, Sisters, Come
camp song

Edge of the night, a campfire's light/ Come, sisters, come/ Magic of song, a place to belong/ Come, sisters, come/ Warmth of a fire, warmth of a friend/ Come, sisters, come/  

Last night, LB and I had dinner with some "couple friends" of ours (as in, friends who are a couple and, in the words of one of the women last night, "somewhat normal" :-P).  They are currently expecting their first child, and were thrilled to hear that we have finally started trying, too!

It's nice to have other people to talk with, who have done the same thing.  In fact, through the evening we discovered we're doing exactly the same thing, down to the method of insemination - good to know it's worked for some people!  All in all, they were full of supportive words and encouragement, which was nice to hear, and possibly even more excited than we are that we're in the 2WW. 

It's also CD 39, making this one of my longest cycles ever (topped only by my student teaching quarter), so every time I go to the restroom, I'm steeling myself for my period to arrive.  It's kinda crazy-making, and this is just our first try!  I'm enjoying reading the blogs of other women TTC or expecting, and that is providing a welcome distraction from analyzing my chart or predicting what my temperature might be in the morning. 

Still I Rise

Still I Rise
as sung by the Seattle Men's Chorus

Yet still I rise/ Never to give up/ Never to give in against all odds/ Yet still I rise/ High above the clouds/ At times I feel alone/ But still I rise/

I have discovered that the chart gallery of TCOYF is an incredible time-suck.  I can spend hours perusing charts, looking for one or two that are just a little like mine (curious?), and then get all my hopes up based on one woman who, back in 2007, was pregnant despite having weird temperatures.  Result?  I P'dOAS this morning.  And afternoon, since the morning one was a dud.  So, of course, I had to go buy more HPTs, so I could get an accurate result.  Because if the possible ovulation 2 days ago turns out to be an actual O and results in a BFP, I'm going to want to know exactly when it all went down.  Ovulating 3 weeks after doctors expect you to doesn't result in happy due dates, I'm thinking.

Talk about counting chickens before they're hatched!

My hopes are up because my BBT rose yesterday, and is staying high today (still higher than previous temps in this cycle), and fingers are crossed.  As much as they can be while I play piano, that is.  Piano playing has turned out to be a great stress-reliever, as well as a good way to pass time on my day off.  Now that I've completed my errands for the day, I'd best give the dog a bath before her stink sinks into the sofa cushions.

Shop Around

Shop Around
by Smokey Robinson 

My mama told me, you better shop around/ Oh yeah, you better shop around

 Today, LB and I went shopping for baby supplies for a friend - yet another friend - who just had a baby.  Twins, actually.  So we took the grand tour of Babies 'R Us, which is always translated in my head as "We are babies."  Eventually, we got out of there with a couple of pacifiers for the boys, but the whole ordeal is murderous when you're wishing for a baby and a reason to buy half the store for your own house.  LB and I have taken to wandering the baby section of Target, as well - just to scope out what we want to start stockpiling once this process works.

I'm getting stressed out by this whole waiting thing, and it's making me cranky.  What I wouldn't give for a time machine to fast forward these next seven days!

Hold On

Hold On
by Carnie Wilson, Glen Ballard, and Chynna Phillips

Don't you know/ Don't you know things can change/ Things will go your way/ If you hold on for one more day/ Can you hold on for one more day/ Things will go your way/ Hold on for one more day

As LB wisely pointed out last night, even the most sensitive home pregnancy test can't reliably tell us anything for 5 more days.  So last night's trip to Target was for pricing, not purchasing, and there's no news yet.  BUT, my temperatures are back above the coverline after two mysterious days below, so hope springs eternal in the purple house.

None of my books mention this, but I have been belching like a 4th grade boy lately, and have been making a real effort to avoid the usual suspects.  If it's not a symptom, then I need to be getting a handle on this, or my students won't be able to focus for laughing at me!

Make up your mind/ Hold on/ Hold on/ Baby, hold on

I am willing

Today's song is a new one to me, but when our choir sang it on Tuesday, it had to be my theme song for the week.

I am Willing
by Holly Near

I am open, and I am willing/For to be hopeless would seem so strange/It dishonors those who go before us/So lift me up to the light of change

I am keeping my hopes up, and trying to be open to the possibility that this, the first try, will give us the baby we want! So this has been my song since Tuesday, and it is lifting my spirits as I type.

I am starting this blog because I need a distraction from the two-week-wait, and because, let's face it, the world needs more 20-something dykes writing about the road to conception and pregnancy, right? Of course right. So, a little something about the two of us:

I am "Frankncents," 27, sharing a little purple house in Seattle with a fat tabby cat, a whiny pug, and "LB," the love of my life and a very patient partner in this new adventure. We have been together for 7+ years (8 coming up in June), and have been discussing starting a family for a few years, but wanted to wait until we had a house. Well, we bought the house last fall...so let's try for the baby! Me, I'm hoping the baby takes less time than the house hunting - we spent over 18 months looking for a house.

Today, I'm feeling lightheaded and a little dizzy, but trying to eat to keep that at bay. Also, spending far too much time over-analyzing "symptoms." Thank goodness for the pug, who now needs me to take her out.

May the children see more clearly/And may the elders be more wise/May the winds of change caress us/Even though they burn our eyes